The holidays are upon us which means traditions. The traditions associated with this time of year many times carry heavy emotional attachments. Not all of the emotions are positive no matter what the newest Nexflix or Hallmark movies are trying to feed us. Likewise, many of the emotions that are positive stem from the past when we were the center of attention for a day and the world seemed to magically manifest toys, food and cheer, just because we were alive. There are few things as heartwarming to watch than a child opening a present and seeing the reaction of surprise, joy, and elation wash over them. Often the younger the child the more purely authentic and consuming the reaction as their expectations and desires are so much less. Without the expectation the little things can touch us more deeply.
No matter one’s faith or lack of faith this time of year brings up emotions. Even atheists, if they look, may find similar emotional patterns coming up year after year. Though granted it, their emotions may be more deeply aligned with being true to their own beliefs during the cultural onslaught they face. It is hard to impossible to fully capture the feeling of the past. Sometimes one succeeds or surpasses their emotional expectations during the holidays; sometimes. Feelings and emotions during the holidays often become more habitual over time. The words tradition and habit are synonymous though “tradition” is more glorified. One wants to engage in traditional holiday cheer not habitual holiday cheer. “Habitual holiday cheer” somehow sounds addictive. As a culture it is OK for one to work on their habits to change them but not so with traditions. New traditions can be formed and the old ones must not be forgotten. Whether one wants to hang the sign on tradition or habits the fact is both over time become out dated and a new way must emerge. When one is dealing with habits of the heart they die hard.
This essay could start looking like the annual tradition of the non-commercial Christmas op-ed but it is not. I cannot judge someone who works hard and deals with the emotional stress of our society wanting to find places in the year to momentarily forget the hecticness and relax. Nor can I judge the joy of a child or the parent that wants to bring joy. Any day one chooses to show the ones they love that love, in any form, is a good day. Having days when the whole heart is allowed to speak is an exceptionally good day.
The holiday season is a time of love and hope. The love part is more emphasized earlier on in the week leading to hope at New Years. It is through love one often finds hope. This is true for all times of the year. I have found recently more and more of my friends, colleagues and neighbors have become less hopeful. Humans do continue to love which waters a lot of different seeds, like happiness, but why is hope not growing so well? Maybe it is time to re-examine how we manifest love towards others. How we show love is a cultural expression which changes over time. This can happen slowly or rapidly. It was a short time ago that society only allowed males and females to marry each other, and publicly declare their love. Now that idea seems outdated to the majority of Americans (news.gallup.com/)Things have changed. When it comes to deep seated traditions these changes are often slow to be addressed. It may be easier to change traditional emotions and their manifestations by looking at how one uses these emotions habitually at certain times of the year. There are ways to change and evolve our perspective on how we manifest love that can indeed lead to a more hopeful future.
Love is a long term prospect. Sure it is caring for someone in the here and now and there also a component of goodwill for that person into the future. It is probably usually easier to love in the here and now as often there is the reward of the love being returned. To project love for another into the future comes with little reward from the outside world. It does give one a warm heart, knowing one can love without reward is reward enough. This is the exact place one can start to explore new ways of expressing love and this is especially true during the holiday season.
I realize we live in a time of instant gratification and the joy of sharing gifts falls into the quick fix of emotional rewards. Though heartwarming and cozy inside the feelings lasts only a few minutes after the gift is unwrapped. There may be some residual pleasure watching another using your gifts, there may not. Then there is the thank you; yet another reward. Yes we give for the other and yes we give for ourselves. With the state of climate change there is a gift that will be only for the other and that is a future. By giving less I will be giving more. This is especially true for children. This is true all year and more so when cultural traditions dictate otherwise.
It hurts my heart when I hear 9.2 billion dollars were spent on black Friday and Cyber Monday (2019 salecycle.com). I love children, all children. I want them to be happy. I wish their parents happiness and I realize we have been taught this is the way to express love, but is it really? All the plastic, fuel, paper-carbon that was sent into the air for a few moments of joy sadden me when I think of those children’s future and their children’s future. The pain in my chest wants to grow into anger and judgment, but how can I let it? Everyone is giving out of love; it is just misguided. It is tragic to the point of tears seeing love condemning the future.
I in no way am advocating to stop giving gifts but maybe less, maybe greener, maybe giving the experiences of spending time together. In this age we need to redefine many things and many ways of being. What was once a gift could now be a death sentence. If we all just start taking a minute to ask ourselves before we act, “is this REALLY loving for my children and their children and their children?” This does not just go for the holidays and if this is the season of love on earth there is no better place to start. It may feel as if we are suffering on some level to start embracing this heartfelt reality. On some level, in the present moment, it seems like less. No one wants to suffer over the holidays. There is a quiet, peaceful still joy, an embracing of hope, that this gift of a future will give to you and your lovers, friends, children and even the earth itself if you let it in without the ideas of tradition of the past. Suffering with love is not a loss but the gift.
Copyright© 2023 Human Anonymous, Rev. Joseph and/or Joseph Piekutoski
